lessons learnt

be nice, always.

everyone has something good in them, you just need to see it.

never judge anyone, you dont have a right to.

never take anyone for granted, never.

u do not realise what you have unless its gone

ppl come ppl go but they will always stay as a part of ur life. a memory. a picture that never fades.

nirvanashtakam

a sloka which i remember from school.. needed to keep a copy of it..

1

Mano budhya ahankara chithaa ninaham,
Na cha srothra jihwe na cha graana nethrer,
Na cha vyoma bhoomir na thejo na vayu,
Chidananada Roopa Shivoham, Shivoham

Neither am I mind, nor intelligence ,
Nor ego, nor thought,
Nor am I ears or the tongue or the nose or the eyes,
Nor am I earth or sky or air or the light,
But I am Shiva the all pervading happiness,
Yes, I am definitely Shiva.

2

Na cha praana samgno na vai pancha vaayur,
Na vaa saptha dhathur na va pancha kosa,
Na vak pani padam na chopa stha payu,
Chidananada Roopa Shivoham, Shivoham

Neither am I the movement due to life,
Nor am I the five airs, nor am I the seven elements,
Nor am I the five internal organs,
Nor am I voice or hands or feet or other organs,
But I am Shiva the all pervading happiness,
Yes, I am definitely Shiva

3

Na me dwesha raghou na me lobha mohou,
Madho naiva me naiva matsarya bhava,
Na dharmo na cha artha na kamo na moksha,
Chidananada Roopa Shivoham, Shivoham

I never do have enmity or friendship,
Neither do I have vigour nor feeling of competition,
Neither do I have assets, or money or passion or salvation,
But I am Shiva the all pervading happiness,
Yes, I am definitely Shiva

4

Na punyam na paapam na soukhyam na dukham,
Na manthro na theertham na veda na yagna,
Aham bhojanam naiva bhojyam na bhoktha,
Chidananada Roopa Shivoham, Shivoham

Never do I have good deeds or sins or pleasure or sorrow,
Neither do I have holy chants or holy water or holy books or fire
sacrifice,
I am neither food or the consumer who consumes food,
As I am Shiva the all pervading happiness,
Yes, I am definitely Shiva

5

Na mruthyur na sankha na me jathi bhedha,
Pitha naiva me naiva matha na janma,
Na bhandhur na mithram gurur naiva sishya,
Chidananada Roopa Shivoham, Shivoham

I do not have death or doubts or distinction of caste,
I do not have either father or mother or even birth,
And I do not have relations or friends or teacher or students,
As I am Shiva the all pervading happiness,
Yes, I am definitely Shiva

6

Aham nirvi kalpi nirakara roopi,
Vibhuthwascha sarvathra sarvendriyanaam,
Na cha sangatham naiva mukthir na meya
Chidananada Roopa Shivoham, Shivoham

I am one without doubts , I am without form,
Due to knowledge I do not have any relation with my organs,
And I am always redeemed,
And I am Shiva the all pervading happiness,
Yes, I am definitely Shiva

dead

cold lies
cold heart

feeling and emotions dont exist
and i cant cry anymore
i am dead inside

i am walking on the streets
in the rain
its beautiful
i dont feel like sharing it wit you
and it kills me
to know that

feelings and emotions dont exist
and i cant cry anymore
i am dead inside


sitting all alone wondering
what went wrong
if i was right if i was wrong
i dont really care anymore
and it kills me
to know that

feelings and emotions dont exist
and i cant cry anymore
i am dead inside

i am dead inside
no hope of resurrection
no fear of hurt
and it kills me
to know that

feelings and emotions dont exist
and i cant cry anymore
i am dead inside

ps: none of this is true.. just felt like writing something

random rant

life i guess is..

..of bruised knees and broken hearts
healing and walking on

..of existential angst
seeking the definition

..of wrong and right
feeling what u feel

..of angels and devils
trying to categorize

..of music
beautiful

..of ego and arrogance
drawing the line

..of love and hatred
contemplating emotions

..of power and wealth
deciding its priority

..of truth and lies
being honest

..of friendship
listen to the laughter

..of family
feel the warmth in their care

..of dreams
fear of realizing it

..of being yourself
scared of being alone

..of giving a damn
can u really?

..of moments
living

:)

old post which i never published

Haphazard, yet so clear
So clear that you can read my mind
read my deepest darkest secrets
secrets I have been trying to escape,
trying to run

Far off, yet so near
So near that I can feel your touch
touch that makes me go weak
so weak that I want to let go
just live in the moment

A moment of happiness
A moment I live in
with emotions i truly feel

Emotions of wants and needs,
moments that take my breath away..
moments which make the ground disappear beneath my feet

knight in shining armor

i am not cindrella
or snow white
or a princess
waiting for love
i am just a simple girl
in the real world

roses, diamonds, fancy clothes
dont make me smile
expensive restaurants, limousines
dont make me feel special
romantic dialogues
dont touch my heart

one moment
one gesture
one kiss
one phone call away
being there
is all it takes



i dont know what made me write this. its so not me. i want diamonds :D :p
ps: listening to too much of bed of roses and always by bon jovi does this i guess

Me!

Its 3 am and i just saw jodha akbar which imo is a decent movie. what has this got to do with the blog? i dont know and i really dont care :p

what i had to write was what i like what i dont like and what makes ppl think m different wierd blah blah


1.i love ice cream
2. i love ice cream :p
3. i love music, from metallica to kishore kumar
"The man that hath no music in himself
Nor is not mov'd with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils."
-Merchant Of Venice(Shakespeare)
kinda stayed with me even after school
4. cant live without books, i love reading and learning new things
5.i love math
6.science makes me curious , i love physics, aeronautical stuff, defense things but i have one life so ill just stick to figuring out systems for now :p
7.i love movies (i can watch anything, seriously )
8. there is nothing i hate, to hate you need to care which i dont so i dont hate anything.
9. i like being alone, no i am not depressed or upset or in any state which will make me want to kill myself. i like my space, my thoughts and sometimes i just like to be all alone.
10. i think being a geek is really cool. i like geeks.
11. i like basketball and i can play basketball and table tennis. believe or not
12. i can be mean and selfish->mood
13. i am moody
14. i speak wats on my mind. then again m moody so depends
15. i am not fussy about food. i like trying out new types of food.i love eating :)
16. i am very bad at teaching anything
17. i do not show what i feel.
18. i want my close frnds to understand wat i feel even though [17]
19. i get disappointed often because of [18]
20. i am very practical
21. i dream a lot even though [20]
22. i like guys who play musical instruments. specifically guitar or drums
23 all though all of the above i am still conventional in very simple things like dressing up , guys being chivalrous, etc etc
24. i feel red roses are very romantic
25.i like simple things.
26. i like working hard
27. i dont ever want to do something which i dont want to or am not happy to do(tough one, really tough one)
28. i believe all or atleast most of the songs are love songs. any kind of love or have been inspired by love. EDIT: not true, example pink floyd-brick in the wall" its all about sticking it up to the man" ref:school of rock
29. i dont care about clothes and i love shopping
30. i dont remember things i dont care about so if i remember small details about you means either i care or i am interested or i liked the topic of discussion :p
31. i get along more often with guys than girls
32. i think my girl gang is the best
33. my frnds mean a lot to me. (family is obvious duh!)
34. i am unconventional and conventional
35. ppl who disagree make me curious
36. i can get along with a lot of ppl
37. i open up to very few
38. i get carried away, a lot
39. i am a leo, tiger(chinese calender)
40. i always like the guy who is not in the limelight but who the gang cant be without
41. i like things better when they are unsaid and understood
42. small things make me very happy
43. i like surprises
44. i feel everyone should not get what they want atleast once. be it love work or anything. makes you a better person
45. i am not a morning person
46. i love salads(i am hungry now :( )
47. i think i can be mean and selfish but i am ok i guess

now m writing crap so will continue this later..

Fool!

I have acted dumb stupid and made a complete fool of myself in the past two months for a variety of reasons. I think I overdo it. Trying my best to calm myself down and be quiet. As much as I say I dont care about what ppl think I sure as hell do. I would love to know what my first impression is really like. I may not be the most appealing personality but since so many things are changing I think I should get a "people skills" makeover too. My attitude is fine. Ppl will just have to live with it.

btw the look good feel good factor works so well. I should start caring about what I wear and how I look.

Music: Goo Goo Dolls-Iris
Mood: feeling stupid

Blogging and stuff!

I have been thinking of getting people to read my blog. wtf! that is not why i blog. I blog for myself. I am selfish :)
Blogging is such a vague term used so loosely by people. When you say you blog do u write about urself? online diary? poems? stories? technical? All I know is whether it is personal or to share it has a part of every "blogger" which gives us an identity , a place where someone is listening, even if the someone is a white board it makes a lot of sense.

Its nearly the end of feb, time passes by so quickly. Its like a lot of things happened recently. The year of 2007 has been full of ups and downs. The biggest change was me coming to chicago, living on my own. I still find it kinda hard to realise I pay my own bills. I am still a baby who thinks I am mature(quoting a friend who in my opinion is correct) Its all a big haze called reality. I think maturity is when that haze becomes clear :)

Misfit

I know and like so much! Diverse and can come up with a conversation with absolutely anyone.. Its come to a point where I feel I dont belong to a particular group which in turn implies not many ppl I can trust but lot of ppl trusting me. good or bad?I like hindi english and telugu movies and music. I can absolutely love songs by metallica and dumb songs like u are my chocobar. Sometimes i like it sometimes i hate it.

Btw one thing of the list. I didnt get drunk but I had a couple of drinks so now its been there done that. dont want to drink anymore and I know I wont.

fav lyric in my head right now: I need you like a high

Listening to: Fanaa-Yuva


Mood: Mixed emotions

to do list

Apart from my career goals, in the next 5 years I want to:

• go bungee jumping and river rafting
• get drunk
• true love(includes the perfect kiss :p)
• learn how to play the drums
• drive at 100mph and get away with it (not wen m drunk though)
• take the best photograph of my life(not mine,just anything)
  

My serious goals include

• Get a job that I want to do
  
• make my dad really really proud
• make myself proud
  
• kick ass in "computer science"
  

Sometimes it helps to write down your goals. It helps in clearing the mind

what if

old post# 2

what if i was in love
what if he says i love u once jus once
what if i had never let go
what if i never fall in love again
what if my best frnd was in the same coll as i was
what if i was jus me for once instead of trying to be someone else..
what if i knew who the real me is
what if i wasnt scared
what if i knew wat i was scared of
what if ppl arnd me stopped cribbing
what if I stopped cribbing
what if i could take a sip of breezer without a million things on my mind
what if ppl started minding their own business rather than interfering in my life
what if i could not think of the past and future and jus live for every moment
what if i get a chance to drive on an empty road and touch 120
what if i could be more creative
what if i never have to lie to my parents
what if i was dead
what if U cud understand me right now

mirror

posted on Dec 11th 2004

she was staring right at me,
her fixed gaze scared me,
could she read my thoughts??
i knew she was scared to accept to deny...
wat was she scared of..she wasnt doing anything wrong
but she felt she was commiting a sin..
there was something abt her eyes..
were they brown or black she could never decide..but i saw wat she didnt
her eyes spoke a language which she could never understand..
yes there was happiness but the undying sorrow wud never leave her..
cruel world!!she had to blame it on someone didnt she?
and then i moved away...and let these thoughts stay with my reflection..

today Feb 15th 12:11 am
Things that have changed..
I have decided my eyes are brown. there is no undying sorrow its reality and have to live with. There is noone to blame its just me , it was always me . My thoughts stay with me and my reflection is someone I can face

Dreams!

Every night there is a new dream
a new hope
as the dawn breaks
I hear the shatter of the dreams

Trying to forgive,forget
building a new dream
nurturing it carefully
a little too careful,
binding it with reality
the dream remains a dream

one of the many awesome lyrics!

It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself


-Seether , Fine again

Some lyrics make a lot of sense :)


btw liar :o , Of all the things i didnt expect that

I need some work which interests me a lot! has a lot of reading and gives me no time to do anything else. ill be content then i guess :p

Backlog

So much to achieve and such little time! I wish there was a rewind erase button for my life. I would just put in more work but there is nothing I would change :)

old post!

defining myself

I have been trying to define myself since the past 7 months. New country new culture same old people but new me! things change and i changed. So much to learn so little time. Thought i could come up with few very creative lines to describe what I feel but putting it in simple words is tough enough!

Time to grow up i guess. I am 21 and I want to be pampered and spoilt despite living all alone in a new country while taking care of myself and getting my life together. I wish I could stay a kid a lil longer.